i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
