Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
