I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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