What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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