I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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