Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
