No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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