spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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