some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
