I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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