THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
