Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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