Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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