I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
