Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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