Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
