You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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