I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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