thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my being single is dangerous.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
