I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
