you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize