soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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