I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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