So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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