I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
