i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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