The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize