It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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