My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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