My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
