Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
