he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
