Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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