She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
