It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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