im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
