Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
