yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
