yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
