i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ketchup is God's man juice
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
