took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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