I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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