are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
