plz talk dirty to me
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
