I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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