she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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