I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
