well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I deserve this hangover.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
