come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
please don't ironically join a cult
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