I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she looked like the before picture.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
