when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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