It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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