So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
