Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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