How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize