it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
