no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize