Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
