my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
