I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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