so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
