I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Can I color on your dick again?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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