Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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