i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
