I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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