If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
