That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
