Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
