i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
