The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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