do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
A bitchslap is in order.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
