i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
