I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
