i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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