Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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