Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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