i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
