I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I looked at my own cervix.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
