Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
